I don’t know. I don’t understand. This is hard. This really hurts.
Simplistic as it may sound, those four statements have been the only way I could and sometimes still can describe my life circumstances. I don’t know what to do. I don’t understand – many things. This is hard – to be in this moment let alone keep on going. And this really hurts – excruciatingly hurts.
I would bet, if you look beneath the layers covering up raw honesty, you’ve been there too. Or you might be there right now.
I have to do something here.
I have to make a decision. Any decision to stop floating around in this mess of hard and hurt.
When I don’t know what to do, it helps me to look at what I can possibly do. What are my options?
- Do something.
- Don’t do something.
- Do nothing.
Perhaps, if a blog post should be labeled “Start Here,” this would be the one.
Don’t take me as an authority on the matter. It’s just that I have a note scribbled inside my journal in purpley-pink that says, “Start with truths and commandments that are clear and unchanging.”
And underlined twice, the scribble continues. “This is where you began.”
I’ve always been the kind of person to clean one drawer perfectly before moving on to the rest of the house. Even if the entire place is in shambles, at least one thing is going right. Really right.
So, I’ll start with this one black and white.
“Be imitators of God.” (Ephesians 5:1)
It’s like a puzzle. You connect all the straight edges and then feel so accomplished, only to realize as you start adding the center, you really don’t have a clue how to fit the rest of the picture together.
You can’t go forward trying to imitate God if you really don’t know what He is like or what this directive truly means. I also don’t recommend “winging it” based on what you personally think God is like. But at least for the moment, you can know this is a black and white absolute in the Bible, even if you don’t go acting on it just yet.
You’re on the right track. And you’re going to keep going. Finish what you start. And never give up.